


You're The Daddy?

by Cerdic519



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is not a morning person, Coffee, Eavesdropping, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hair, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pranking, Traumatized Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2018-08-12 19:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7946746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerdic519/pseuds/Cerdic519
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean may be about to acquire a new stepfather - one with scruffy hair, blue eyes and black wings. Then, incredibly for a Destiel fic, there are one or two further misunderstandings....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bevjima](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bevjima/gifts), [Trish11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trish11/gifts), [TheHauntress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHauntress/gifts).



Mary Winchester would have been no real hunter if she hadn't immediately spotted two things about her eldest son on her return. First, he was hopelessly and completely in love with the Angel of the Lord Castiel. And second, the chances of him acting on those feelings? Frankly there was more chance of Sam joining the circus as a clown!

On the other hand, Mary Winchester would have been no real hunter if she hadn't have been able to solve problems like that.

+~+~+

“Good morning, Castiel.”

“Hwrgh!” The angel slouched past her on his way to his first destination of this or any other day, the coffee machine. One day, she was sure, he'd just take to drinking neat from the carafe, though for now he grabbed the mug she'd got ready for him and slouched off into the other room with another growl.

“He's terrible without his caffeine fix”, Dean grinned. “We don't need to fight demons these days, just show them a pic of him first thing in the morning!”

“I think he's cute”, Mary said, hiding her smile in her own coffee. 

“Whatever”, Dean yawned. “He'll be back for seconds before you know it.”

“He's very attractive”, Mary said carefully. “From what you've shown me on the Net, that sort of look is quite fashionable just now.”

Dean rolled his eyes.

“Mum, he and I.....”

“I quite fancy him.”

She had a paper towel ready to wipe the mouthful of coffee which Dean managed to protect across the table. He stared at her in astonishment.

“'Scuse me?” Ah, his voice was high, a sure sign he was stressed. Mary sighed.

“Well, it wouldn't have been easy, finding someone for little old me after all this time”, she said. “And Cas was such a gentleman when he showed me round when I got here. Plus that time I saw him coming back from the gym – well, I believe the current expression is 'whoa mama!' Who'd have thought he was hiding muscles like that beneath that ugly coat of his?”

“Well, yeah, but....” Dean spluttered, his eyes wide in shock.

“And it's not as if he's gonna get dozens of offers”, she said, seemingly intent on her own thoughts whilst covertly noting the horrified look on her elder son's face. “It would mean you having a stepfather who is a bit older than the norm.....”

“Stepfather?” Dean's voice was close to disappearing off the scale by now. She looked at him in mock confusion.

“You wouldn't mind, would you?” she asked innocently, smiling as she noticed the now marginally re-caffeinated angel heading back towards where she had a second mug ready. “You and he do get on?”

She wondered for a moment if she'd pushed it too far before she saw something snap in her son. Dean suddenly grabbed a surprised angel and pulled him into a kiss that went on until both men pulled back, the hunter gasping for breath.

“Oh”, Cas said, blinking in surprise. “Hello Dean?”

Dean looked like he was about to thrust the angel away and make a run for it, and Mary acted quickly.

“Better kiss him again, just to make sure”, she suggested.

Dean nodded, and proceeded to do just that. Castiel's body remained limp in his grasp but, unseen by the hunter currently assaulting his mouth, a covert hand clenched into a thumbs-up that only she could see. She returned the gesture; Dean wasn't about to notice anything short of a sudden apocalypse.

They could celebrate later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt inspired to add a second chapter.

There were many upsides to suddenly and unexpectedly acquiring an angel fiancé, Dean thought. Unfortunately coping with his moose of a brother was not one of them. Especially as he and Cas had been kind of 'busy' for the last week. Or so.

“I can't believe you thought Cas and mom... I mean, really?” Sam promptly dissolved into another fit of laughter, as Cas joined them at the table. On his third coffee of the day already, by the state of him.

“I got the wrong end of the stick”, Dean groused. 

“My sexual knowledge may not be up to yours in some areas”, Cas said loftily, “but I can assure you that you got the right end of my stick. I checked beforehand.”

The younger Winchester's face was a mixture of laughter at Dean's discomfiture and disgust at the image that the angel's words had brought him.

“So you gonna tie the knot?” Sam asked, with that sort of false innocence that his elder brother could see through better than Baby's windshield. “'Cause I'm really looking forward to being best man.”

“You should stop teasing your brother, now that he is going to be my mate”, Cas said, sighing happily before he proceeded to down his coffee in a single gulp. “Besides, Dean's error over my becoming his father by law was quite understandable.”

“Oh yeah?” Sam grinned. “How was that, then?”

Dean dropped his head into his hands.

“Cas....” he began.

“In the past week I have learned that Dean greatly enjoys calling me daddy”, Cas said simply. “Indeed, he is at his most pleasured when I bed him over my knee and discipline him very thoroughly. Did you not notice how carefully he sat down today, Sam? Or the cushion I had ready for him?”

Sam Winchester looked horrified.

“Cas!” he shrieked. “TMI, dammit!”

“But I do not see how I can tie the knot with Dean”, Cas said, looking perplexed. “For one thing, it would be physically impossible.”

Dean hid a smile in his hands. Oh but this was gonna be so good!

“Why's that?” Sam asked. His brother bit back a laugh.

“Well, my knot only swells when it is buried deep inside your brother”, Cas said matter-of-factly. “I can hardly 'tie' it in any way, as that would cause him even greater.....”

The two of them were alone at the table, save for a keening wail and the rapidly fading sound of running feet as Sam fled for points unknown. Dean chuckled.

“Cas”, he explained, “when Sam said about tying the knot, he meant....”

He stopped, as realization slowly dawned on him.

“Oh my god you were pranking him!” he laughed. “You sneaky bastard!”

“I prefer to use my sneakiness for other things”, Cas said with a grin, getting up and crossing to the refrigerator before opening it and extracting something wonderfully familiar. “Pie for breakfast, beloved?”

“Hell yeah!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felt like some fluff as my year-long fic is going a bit dark for a few days.

Dean was cross.

“I'm not saying it”, he said firmly.

“But Dean”, Cas said, and the hunter just knew the puppy-dog eyes were coming out, “you like it when we....”

“Cas!”

“Alright, but I do not see any reason for your problems with the word that rhymes with huddle”, Cas said plaintively, “and which we do on a regular basis.”

“Manly men don't..... you know”, Dean said defensively. “That.”

“You were certainly insinuating yourself into my space when we were watching that movie the other night”, Cas observed. “Indeed, you fell asleep right up against me.”

“That was different”, Dean said. “Doing that on a couch is fine. Doing it in bed... well, it means something else entirely.”

Unseen by Dean, Sam entered the adjoining kitchen.

“But you really enjoyed the time we did it in bed rather than on the couch”, Cas said. “Especially because, as you so often say, I am incredibly flexible.”

Sam went pale, his hand freezing on the way to the refrigerator handle.

“It's just.... I feel such a girl”, Dean complained.

“I usually feel something else”, Cas grinned. “Particularly when I reach inside your pants and....”

“Cas!”

Sam grabbed a beer.

“It was just one time”, Dean grumbled. “And it was damn cold that night, anyway.”

“Well, you certainly found an efficient way of extracting heat from me”, Cas said.

Sam decided on a second beer. And a third. There was some Jack around somewhere.....

“Makes a change, you being such an octopus in bed”, Dean snarked. “And I am never doing that again.”

“Not even if I am on the receiving end again?” Cas teased. 

Sam grabbed the whole six-pack, and decided food could wait. 

“Okay, I liked it”, Dean admitted. “Can we do.... you know, it again? Tonight?”

“You two are disgusting!” Sam yelled as he detoured briefly through the room before running back to his bedroom. Dean and Cas looked at each other in surprise.

“Do you think he got the wrong end of the stick?” Dean asked.

“Never mind”, Cas said consolingly. “Tonight I'll make sure you get the right end. And some cuddling.”

Dean nodded before he realized.

“Cas! Bad angel!”

“Only later”, Cas smirked.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Winchester is smart. Most of the time....

Some day. Some day, Sam Winchester would learn not to say daft things. But today was not that day.

The younger Winchester's car had, despite his brother's best efforts, finally given up the ghost, so Dean and Cas were taking him to town to buy him a new one. And Sam could cope with the goo-goo eyes across the Impala's bench-seat, he could cope with his manly brother's suddenly rapid breathing every time he looked across at the angel – hell, he could even cope with the two of them making him wait while they spent two minutes and forty-three seconds kissing in the Bunker's garage, even though they were both going with him. Saps!

What he could not cope with was what happened over the item he found amid the detritus on the back seat. He had spent the journey sorting the mess out, until he found a familiar blue box.

“I always said you wasted money, Dean”, he complained.

“What?” his elder brother asked, turning round to face him. Sam held up the box.

“Condoms”, he said. “They must have fallen out of the bag that you just threw in the back as you always do. I bet you wasted money on buying more when you couldn't find these.”

The silence that followed was unnerving, though not as much as the slow, knowing smile that creased his elder brother's features.

“Sam”, Cas said quietly from his place at the wheel, “those did not fall out of any bag.”

Sam frowned.

“Then how....”

He stopped short. Belatedly, he had got it.

“Ew!” he yelped. “Brain bleach!”

“Our personal car supplies”, Dean grinned. “For when Cas and I get 'the urge' while out driving, Sammy.”

“I am disowning you!”

"And what did you think all the napkins were for?"

"Dean!"

“In fact, we may even stop on the way back to the Bunker and.....”

“I have no brother!”

Dean sniggered, and Sam was never more grateful to see that they had arrived at the car place. He fairly flew out of the car.

+~+~+

Sam tried not to look. He really did. But on the way back, he could not help but notice that the blue box, whose lid had been shut on the way down, was now open. And also, some of the napkins were missing.

He hated his life!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mummy knows best - but her eldest son only realizes that too late!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> St. George's Day Mega-Update

Mary Winchester stared across the diner's cheap polished table at her son. Or to be more exact, her soon to be ex-son.

“Did you just smile back at that marine?” she asked incredulously.

“What of it?” Dean said dismissively as the three soldiers left the diner. “Supporting our brave troops and all that. Just doing my duty.”

“Uh huh”, she said. “Well, provided that's all you did.....”

Yup, that worked. Her son was staring very hard at the table. She blanched.

“Please tell me not the restroom!” she gaped.

“He just gave me his phone number”, Dean said defensively. “I'm not gonna use it.”

“So you threw it away?” she asked hopefully.

Another pained silence.

“Sorta”, he muttered. “I will do. Later.”

“Castiel is going to kill you”, she said. 

“Please!” Dean laughed. “Cas loves me. He knows that when you've got someone with my face, there's gonna be plenty of people wanting to look at the goods. He'll be sweet provided all they do is look.”

“You should ditch that number now”, his mother said. “I've only got two sons. I don't want to lose fifty per cent of that number.”

“Cas would just laugh”, Dean said confidently, taking out a folded piece of paper. “I bet I could show him this and he'd find it hilarious.”

“I would find what hilarious, Dean?”

Mary had not know her son's face could turn that color. 

“Cas!” Dean squeaked. “Fancy seeing you here!”

The angel narrowed his eyes at the hunter.

“You are hiding something”, he said sharply. “What is on that paper?”

“Just some guy's telephone number”, Dean said. “He... uh....”

Mary started praying. The look on the angel's face did not bode well.

“Home, Dean”, Cas said firmly. “And we will be 'discussing' your behavior when we get there. For several hours.”

“Mom!”

“Sorry, son”, Mary said cheerfully. “You brought this on yourself. Try not to break him, Castiel.”

“I shall think about it.”

Dean whined in terror. Or was it anticipation?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all in the wording.

“Oh come on!” Charlie said exasperatedly. “How often do you get to be the brave Sir Dean, riding to the rescue of the Queen of Moondor?”

“Every other Saturday”, Dean said, and she noted that he sat down very carefully on the hard kitchen chair (experience had however long ago taught her not to ask). “I'm, uh, taking a week off.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. 

“What are you hiding?” she demanded. “I know that look!”

“Nothing!” Dean said defensively.

Of course he could not catch a break. Cas walked into the kitchen at that precise moment.

“I can assure you that Dean has nothing to hide”, he grinned. “At least, not any more.”

“Cas!”

“What?” she demanded at once. “Tellmetellmetellmetellme!”

“Dean had decided that he no longer desired to have his beard, but that he could not exert himself to the trouble of actually shaving it off”, Cas explained, while his mate rapidly turned bright red. “So he asked me to remove all the hair except that on the top of his head. Including his eyebrows, he just about remembered to add.”

Charlie was just confused now.

“So?” she asked.

“You are one mean angel!” Dean grumbled. “You knew damn well that was not what I meant!”

“I did exactly what you asked, Dean”, Cas smiled easily. “I removed all your bodily hairs except for your eyebrows and above.”

Charlie's eyes widened.

“What?” she demanded. “You mean... everywhere?”

“Oh yes!” Cas grinned. “ _Everywhere!_ ” 

“Ew! Bad angel!”

“Only when I can catch Dean”, Cas smiled. “He is, quite literally, a much more slippery character now there is not a single hair anywhere on his body." 

Dean was now doing a pretty decent impersonation of a tomato.

“I suppose that's quite a trick”, Charlie conceded. “Next Trek con when we need someone with blue skin, I'll ask you if....”

“You bloody dare!” Dean growled.

They both sniggered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is gulled

Dean Winchester was not known for his ability to enter any room quietly. So when he slunk almost unnoticed into the study where Sam and Castiel were talking, both looked up in surprise. Dean blushed, but held out a note to Castiel.

“I know I promised not to go into Claire's room”, he said defensively, “but.... uh....”

“You thought you heard a noise in there, and knowing she is out, you decided to investigate?” Castiel prompted.

Sam seemed to be having a sudden coughing fit. Dean glared at him, but nodded.

“Uh, yeah”, he said. “And.... uh....”

He juddered to a halt, and looked pleadingly at his angel.

“I'm sorry!” he blurted out. “I know I said I'd keep an eye on her while the two of you were at that nerdfest conference thingy, but she said Jake wanted to take her to the theater, and you said he was an okay guy.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean, then read the letter out loud:

“Dear all,

I knew you'd say no when I asked, so I've moved out with Jake. Well, after both the tests I bought showed I was expecting, he said he'd do the decent thing and stand by me, provided I moved in with him.'”

Dean growled angrily.

“He's a dead boy walking!” he snarled. Castiel ignored him and continued with the letter:

“'Jake says he's making movies with two of his friends, and I can be in them. I get $200 a time, and an extra fifty if there's three or more men in it with me. Though I put my foot down over the goat.'”

Sam hadn't known his brother could make such a high-pitched whine.

“'We know you'll probably not take this well, but Jake says that after a few years you can all come and meet the grandkids....'”

“Grandkids?” Dean's voice had somehow gotten even higher.

“'And I'll email you a webpage where you can see me online'”, Castiel finished. “And you read all this, Dean?”

“I had to!” Dean said defensively. “Come on, Cas!”

To Dean's surprise, Sam muttered something quite rude under his breath and pulled out his wallet. He then proceeded to hand over several notes to the angel, while his brother stared on in astonishment.

“What the fuck?”

Castiel grinned and turned the letter over.

“'PS'”, he read. “'Tell Dean that we're both round Jane's watching TV and I'll be home later - oh, and there worse things than the Rangers losing in the playoffs!”

“You set me up!” Dean said incredulously. “That's just mean!”

“You were so predictable!” Castiel grinned. “But never mind – I have a couple of things to make it up to you. The first is home-made pie.”

“You two are so adorable!” Sam grinned. “What's the second thing, Cas?”

He regretted asking it as soon as it was out of his mouth.

“Because I value you as a friend”, the angel growled, “Dean will not be getting _that_ until you are safely out of hearing distance!”

“Ew!”


End file.
